2019 is upon us which means it’s time to make new goals for the new year. Some find it cliché, and I have to admit sometimes it feels like more of a chore than anything else but as we hit day two of 2019, I feel inclined to write a few things down, as a reminder and a reset for living my best life physically, spiritually and mentally.
One of my biggest goals, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts is to relax and go with the flow. What’s important about writing this on day two instead of the first of the year is that yesterday, I slept in, I didn’t work out and I did not plan for the new year. And to me, the first day was a success as I let the enjoyment of hanging out with friends and family and relaxing my way into 2019 trump any preconceived notions of having to start on my best foot. So far, 2019 is off to an amazing start, two brownies, zero workouts, an afternoon of snow tubing and a sugar-y hot cocoa day later.
Prior to becoming a model, it’s a well-known fact that I was much more easygoing. My schedule was up to me to make and if I slacked, that was my fault too. But with modeling comes last minuteness as your schedule is determined by your agents and clients, oftentimes the night before the shoot. So, as I adjusted to something being beyond my control, I became determined to manage all other aspects of my life, to the extreme. This affected all areas of my life: when I would eat, an in-detail itinerary for each weekend, three reservations for different restaurants each time we would go out to ensure the best possible choice was made, and so on. Vacations were insanely planned out in detail from the moment we left for the airport to when we came back home, there was no room for error. Just ask my fiancé, he’s not the biggest fan of traveling with me to and from the airport. If we call a car and it takes 10 minutes instead of five, that’s five extra minutes of my insanely planned out life that I could have enjoyed elsewhere. This is where it becomes a problem. While I still get enjoyment out of all the pre-planning, the issue was when things wouldn’t go according to plan.
Instead of adjusting and going with the flow, I would have mini-meltdowns and become extremely inflexible as a result of my insane neuroticism.
While I have definitely gotten better at this over time, it still remains a goal of mine to be at ease with the unexpectedness of life. That’s where the beauty is hiding and will shine through when you’re least expecting. I sometimes get upset when people make fun of how much I plan in advance but something I will continue to work on will be to be happy when we have a plan and happier if that plan doesn’t go accordingly. For lack of a better example, the night of our engagement was supposed to be a simple dinner with family and friends as we toasted to the incredible vacation we had in front of us on our first night in Croatia. An hour or so into dinner, I got proposed to, surprise surprise, not according to “the plan”, but the excitement we all had with the unexpected beautiful moment we all then got to share together was priceless. (I must add, I’m lucky Josh had a plan that night and stuck to it… ;)
Similarly, living in New York I tend to get overwhelmed easily, yet there is nowhere else I’d rather be, at least for the time being. You’re constantly stimulated, which is an incredible perk if you’re someone like me who likes to keep busy, but the downside is that it’s hard to switch off and not feel guilty. I don’t think I can count on two hands the amount of days I’ve planned to just relax and stay put, better yet to not even plan it but just let it happen. So with the New Year, and in order to stay sane in the city where it’s all happening, a goal of mine is to find inner peace. Whether it be to meditate more or to find stillness in yoga, to cozy up with a favorite book or get off the subway early and walk the last stop, I want to continue to plan and stay busy which is something I get so much enjoyment out of but to find balance in stillness and maintain inner peace and calmness. Then with whatever craziness New York throws my way, an insanely packed subway car with someone yelling at you or a taxi that purposefully takes the long way because they think you’re a tourist (the bridge god damnit not the tunnel!!!) I hope to let all that negativity glide off of me and only make me stronger. With strength will come calmness, with strength will come ease and knowing you have a strong mind will let all areas of your life be unaffected by the unexpected displeasures.
As my birthday approaches, instead of planning a wild night that ends with a disgusting amount (albeit delicious) of late-night crap, maybe I’ll propose a meditation class with friends, a yoga class or a solo trip to a meditative retreat… But the best part is I’ll leave it be for now and see what comes as the day approaches. As I mentioned, there’s something beautiful about letting life throw all it has your way and finding adventure in the journey of your destination. What I’ve learned from my year in 2018 and what I will never forget is that it’s never about the destination but more importantly about the journey.